you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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