i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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