i would punch a child for taco bell
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
