After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
