There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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