it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
