New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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