So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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