well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
