I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
