Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
