My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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