Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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