Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
