Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
