The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
