respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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