Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
