No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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