I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
