Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
