Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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