some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
