I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
