well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
