You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
