Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You made out with two different species that night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
