tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Quick, to the slutcave!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
