He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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