I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
