Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my liver is dry heaving
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