I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
