the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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