I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
