ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize