Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
