Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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