I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
