She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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