Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
