I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
