He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
