I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
