Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
