guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
