my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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