I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
