Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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