She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
