my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
