Plan B is the new Plan A
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
