Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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