Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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