I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
