dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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