i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
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She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
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I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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