I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
me + whiskey = a bad person
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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