kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
