I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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