Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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