My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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