Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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