5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
