i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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