Screwed.edu
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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