Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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