I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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