and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
