it hurts more in the daytime
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
